I have always found comfort in writing in my journal when things got tough or I didn't have anyone to turn too. It's stressed me out because I didn't want anyone to find it and read it...like I was 12 and hid my journal so my mom wouldn't find it. There's just no time anymore to sit down and do it the old fashion way. So, here we go. I hope you enjoy listening to my daily life as much as I love/hate living it.
I've always been told my life would make a great reality TV show. I would have to punch someone so I would prefer to live it out here. If no one reads, everyone reads, or one reads this is my journal.
I'm 28 and still trying to find my place in this world. I have a life time of turmoil, triumphs and chaos. Its like that song...how does it go again?? "I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life!" I hope you can keep up....
This weekend was exactly that song. Up and down, up and down. A weekend without my kids is always a surprise in the waiting. Got shmammered Thursday night with a friend that shares the same "Prison Wives" story as myself. Both of our husband's are friends and they both have recently been locked up..or as I would like to call it "away at college-Penn State".
Work, work, work. Trying to catch up on bills and make it half ass through for the time being. I just recently closed my tattoo/salon shop in Glendale, AZ. That was my baby, my gift child. Only to be torn away by the fears I couldn't over come. One day it will be mine again but for right now I'm living the American Dream working for pennies in a stuffy office just trying to make ends meet. I wonder if this is a curse that my family has passed to me. I lost my business about the same age as my parents did. Theirs was because of drugs but mine because of fear of being my parents. You get what you wish for huh!?
The happiness it brings me to get to talk to my husband is unexplainable. Everyone would call me crazy to be holding on to this bag full of dreams that's been ripped at the seams. But I am a survivor and if you say its not good for me and I don't have a chance, hunny-you have given me a new desire in life. It is him that makes me smile when I cant find a reason too. Two more years is all we have left and then we're bolting out of this place faster than you can say "go!".
I don't pity myself or wonder why things haven't been better. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me...I do that enough for everyone. But I wake every morning with a coffee smile on my face and kick the worlds ass, fighting these demons fist to fist just to make it to another day.
I love my life. I love my family. I love my house. I love everything. I can do things better. I'm going to buy Christmas Trees and build stuff!!
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